Lost

Have u ever felt lost in all its complete sense.. Im feeling so nowadays.. Career wise I have no idea wat at present Im doing.. Im not good at my job.. I wanted to do something else but I cant do that too.. And frankly I dont give a fuck bout my current job.. Sometimes I think I shud quit and do nothing but then money comes into play.. Now as far as my personal life is concerned, I have a few very good frnds who care bout me a lot but I still feel lonely.. My family is the best one can ask for but still I dont care bout them as much as I shud..
Now a few mnths ago I met a girl and now we r very good frnds.. She is very happy with her boyfrnd but then I feel that somewhere Im scared that our frndship will not be as good as it used to be.. This happens in a relationship.. Nothing lasts forever.. Watching people around me and analising myself I feel that I too shud have a relationship.. And sometimes I feel I cant be someones boyfrnd.. Its too much of a pain to love someone.. I felt for someone for bout a yr but she doesnt feel nothing bout me.. I mean how cold can anyone be.. Oh forget it.. Now I think that one shud not get attached to someone that it hurts later.. I am attached to my frnds so much that I feel possesive when they hang around with their boyfrnds.. I know this is not right.. I also feel that due to me my frnd and her boyfrnd get less time to spend with each other.. I shud stop hanging out with her..

I feel too many things.. I think these things.. I have let my heart break more than a couple of times now.. Sometimes I feel like shit.. Of no importance.. Basically I dont know wat I want out of relationship or life.. I guess Im the most dumb person alive whose existence doesnt matter to anyone..

Fuck this.. Life is fucked up.. Life is full of shit.. I tell myself "Get a life dude"..

Entourage

I really love this series. It seriously rocks.. Its bout 5 guys, Vince, the making-it-big actor, E, his best friend since they were 6, Drama, VInce's not-so-successful bro n actor, Turtle, friend of Vince's from the Queens and lastly Ari, Vince's agent and the best one in the group.. There r many good things bout the series.. Everyone go by their instinct.. They dont do nothing to please anybody, just do it irrespective of the consequences and yeah also for the girls.. The one thing I really liked was the trust and how much they believe each other.. There is nothing bout anyone which others dunno.. After Friends I got to see true friendship on TV..
Acting wise I like Ari the best, then comes E.. E's character is very cool.. He is Vince's best friend n his manager.. But he doesnt manage Vince's career just for the money but coz he is like his bro.. Thats one thing I appreciate, they dont work just for the money (they may seem to using it a lot though), they do what they do coz they r friends.. No matter what the situation is, they stand by each other..

Sound of drums

Recently I watched "Rock On".. Simply brilliant.. I had a desire of playing drums one day but I guess in the rat race it faded out.. But now I again want to learn to play drums.. I enquired about the price and quality of several drums.. Cheapest ones are Indian made costing around 4 to 5K and avg ones cost around 10K.. Imported ones will cost me a whopping 30K to 50K.. I guess I am going to but the Indian ones for the time being.. Initially ill learn with those and if Im any good then Ill go for the imported ones.. Learning drums is going to take time but Im ready to devote time in something which I know Im going to enjoy doing..
There is something about the drum beats, whenever I hear them my hands think they are holding drum sticks and my mind thinks there is an imaginary drum set infornt of me.. And automatically my hands start playing on those imaginary drums.. I guess I shud give it a try.. In the worst case Ill be no good but atleast Ill come to know of one more thing Im not capable of doing.. And if I learn to play drums then it ll be one of the real achievements in my life.. I havent really achieved anything till now which I really wanted to achieve.. Strange.. People around me know what they want to do and is mostly related to their careers or higher education but I am not interested in any of those.. I just want to do what attracts me.. Of course it shudnt harm anyone else.. But in some hard times we need to pay a price..

Enough said, Im off to beat some drums..

Poem

aati hai mujhe jab yaad teri, tasveer nihara karta hoon,
raaton ko main taare gin gin kar ye waqt guzara karta hoon.

dil ke darpan mein bimbit tum, aankhon mein maun samaayi ho,
har pal, har dhadkan mein meri, tum hi tum kewal chaayi ho.

kitne umange laaye the, hum dil mein samet kar,
le jaa rahe hain haratein kafan mein lapet kar.

mohabbat maangne nikale hain ye chehre se zaahir hai,
par kisi ke saamne hum haath failaaya nahi karte.

prem hi jab paap hai to dharm kiska naam hai,
paapiyon ke prem se hi to prem badnaam hai.

nazar uthati ho toh badi rangeen lagti ho,
nazar jhukaati ho toh badi sangeen lagti ho,
ye gora rang aur uspar nazakat,
tum chahe jaisi bhi ho, badi namkeen lagti ho.

yah kaisa ittefaq hai tumhi soch lo,
hum bach gaye aag se, paani se jal gaye.

chaandni raat mein barsaat buri lagti hai,
dil mein agar dard ho toh har baat buri lagti hai.

aati hai aise pyar ki ghadiyan naseeb se,
aa is dil ki dhadkane sunle kareeb se.

museebat mein sharifon ki sharafat kam nahi hoti,
sone ke tukde kyon na ho, par keemat kam nahi hoti.

nigaahe-e-shaokh thi shayad, nigaahe-e-aakhri apni,
ki unke jaate hi, nabz-e-namanna chuut gayi apni.

hosh kho dunga, itna mat pila saakhi,
main bahek jaaunga, nazrein na mila saakhi.

dikhakar muh chipa lena, haya isko nahi kehte,
lagakar dil hata lena, wafa isko nahi kehte.

ponch kar ashk aankhon se,
muskurao toh koi baat bane,
sar jhukane se kuch nahi hota,
sar uthao toh koi baat bane.

bujha sake na agar aag, toh paani kya hai,
bahe na vaayu veg se, toh ravaani kya hai,
khatre mein dekh kar desh ko khoon na kholei,
toh usse behtar hai bhudapa, woh jawaani kya hai.

Live ur Dream

I aint happy with the wrk I am doing. Should I switch my job?? I always dreamt of wrkng for a cool company which doesnt have many rules n regulations.. A company which has cool people wrkng over some very cool ideas.. I find it very difficult to wrk for people who dont know what they r exactly doing.. Ppl here dont know how to manage a project, they just solve problems on a temp basis.. They dont look at the big picture.. Creative ideas are not encouraged here.. The atmosphere is so full of s*** that u dont feel like doing the job, let alone innovation..
Thats y I think its time for me to move on.. The company which I plan to join is really cool, as far as I have heard.. One thing which states their coolness is this quote which have written in their website, "If u have to drag urself to wrk in the morning, its time for u to move on".. Very true.. Thats what is happening with me at my present wrk place..
I guess its high time for me to "LIVE MY DREAM"..

Personal Website

I am planning to launch my own website.. I have been blogging since a long time now at different blog sites.. The problem with blogging at someone elses site is that u have to follow his rules.. I guess now I need to play by my rules..
Now the big question is that what shud I have in my website??
To answer this question I have thought to list down my interests and passion and hobbies..
I will first divide my interests in 2 sections viz. Technical and non-technical..
Technical - I am crazy about internet and WWW.. I plan to start my own web startup someday.. I also like programming.. Languages like C, Java, and a few scripting languages.. More than these I like to think in terms of how something can be provided as a web service.. I believe someday we all will have our virtual self.. I like puzzles.. I am crazy about bikes and cars.. Basically mechanical stuff interests me a lot.. I like astronomy too..
Also I dont think that education system in India up to the mark.. So I plan to provide customized education service to all on the web.. I havent thought this through but I am sure I will come up with something.. I like to know about latest gizmos and gadgets.. Right now I own a iPod, Macbook, Nokia mobile.. I plan to increase this list.. I am going to use my macbook to develop this site.. But I suppose I will use Linux platform to develop it.. Lets see..
So to narrow down, Internet and WWW, Programming (C, Java n few others), Open source, Linux, Apple, Puzzles, Education, Astronomy, Bikes n Cars..

Non-Technical - I love graffiti.. I am always scribbling something or the other on a piece of paper.. I used to do painting too.. I design things using Photoshop.. I have some experience in this.. I am planning to have a very different look for my website which will be page specific design.. I love photography too though I dont own a camera yet.. But I have used my friends and I guess I have a knack for it.. So will give it a shot.. I love reading books too but very specific ones.. I aint a bibliophile.. I have lots of books.. I cant write but will try to write some kind of review for all of them.. Lets see how good am I at it..
Well my biggest passion is music.. Dont get me worng, I dont make music.. I just listen.. Mostly rock music.. And after all these yrs I can tell u that I totally understand what exactly is rock which I think few people dont.. My fav bands include Nirvana (Kurt Cobain is God), Doors (and Jim Morisson too), Audioslave (their guitar solo is just awesome), Greenday (lyrics is very good), lately I have started to like Evanasense too.. Well I cant live without including the music "Rock On" here.. Its simply gr8.. The music directors (Shankar, Ehsaan n Loy) have totally understood the meaning of rock.. Farhan Akhtar's voice is simply just perfect for the lead singers voice.. Guitar and drums are just worth listening.. Movie looks to be good too.. I plan to learn to play drums.. I am just crazy about movies.. Some of them which I have loved most are Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Shawshank Redemption, The dark knight, Jay and silent bob strike back, Rang de basanti, dil chahta hai, jaane tu ya jaane na (mainly coz I saw this with my best friend and also that I have a thing for someone too)..
To sum up, Graffiti, Designing, Rock n hip-hop, books and movies..

I guess these will be my area of concentration while developing my website.. I plan to develop using PHP-MySQL on Linux with Apache as the server (LAMP).. Lets hope I am successful.. Please give ur valuabloe comments on what more can I include in my site.. I have planned to make it a dynamic one and the users will get to make their profiles.. A lot of cool features will there to look out for.. This site will grow based on user feedbacks..
I hope u guys will surely help me out with this..

God hates me.. I dont believe in God..

I am pretty sure God hates me.. Not a single thing has happened in my life for which I can feel proud.. People around me know everything about what they do and I guess I am the only person who is clueless about his life..
Yesterday I screwed up one important work.. I mean here is the truth which I came to know about me lately.. Initially people think that 'Hey this person seems to be sharp minded'.. I too used to think about me the same way a few years ago.. But as time passed I realised that there cant a bigger loser than me in this whole damn world.. There is no small work which I have done perfectly.. My standards arent too higher either.. But still atleast a guy of my age can and shud do simple things which I am not able to..
Well as of now I am working for the most respected company of India.. A gr8 opportunity.. My colleagues know the work and learn them quickly.. My PM thought that I am quite good at my work.. But nopes.. I let thme down also.. I mean it has become like a habit that I screw up everything which comes my way.. Most probably I am going to be fired from my job.. Atleast thats what I would have done..
Yeah.. I dont believe in God.. I guess people are either smart or dumb.. nothing average.. I belong to the second category..
I feel like a loser most of the times.. My friends tell me thats not the case.. But if something happens to u most of the times then it is true..

I dont think I am going to blog for a few days..
Be happy guys..
SMILE..

Hypocrisy

Ok. Why the f*** are people hypocrites?? Most of the employees in my company are hypocrites.. I dont get it.. I mean if u want to follow rules then do it completely.. First of all people dont follow rules and then when some junior doesnt follow them they tell him to follow it.. What the f***?? I just cant stand these kind of people.. I am not telling that I follow the rules and regulations always but if someone is not then I dont force him to follow 'em..

I have been told to sign some documents after reading some reference docs, but I just dont have the time (infact I dont want to waste time on reading shit) to read 'em.. So i signed 'em without reading 'em.. actually thats what was told to us by our senior, even they gave us a sample copy which we can use to sign the docs.. And after a few days I came to know that my form was rejected.. and some of others forms were not.. I mean how is this possible?? Either reject all of 'em or dont.. Then I came to know that the reviewer was different.. Now this is killer.. People who are asking us to adhere to the rules are themselves not following 'em.. Since some erpson had a fight with his wife last night so he thought to screw his juniors.. He is pissed off and we are supposed to pay the price.. Why?? Why the f*** shud juniors have to pay the price always..

I have heard this about many companies.. I guess every company is like this.. Especially Indian IT service companies.. They show the world that as if they r great companies but in reality they suck to the core..

Screw it.. I am quiting this company soon.. I mean whenever I think Im gonna work seriously from now on, this company shows its true color.. F*** this.. I dint ask for this.. Not from the most respected company of India..

And plz guys, drop in some comments.. I mean Im bored of watching '0 comments' every time I visit my blog..

Pick up lines

Hi,
Can anyone gimme some cool ideas bout pick up lines which I will try to use (typical SE) on some chicks??

thanks but no thanks,
"Bachna ae Haseeno".

Rock On - lyrics

Chk this lyrics out of the title song of Rock On..

Dil kya kehta hai mera kya main bataun,
Tum ye samjhoge shayad main pagal hoon, (2)

Dil karta hai TV tower pe main chad jaaun,
Chilla chilla ke main ye sabse keh doon.

Rock on, hai ye waqt ka ishara,
Rock on, har lamha pukara,
Rock on, yunhi dekhta hai kya tu,
Rock on, Zindagi milegi na dubara.

Dil karta hai sadkon par zor se gaaun,
sab apne apne ghar ki khidki khole,
fir main aise joshile geet sunaun,
mere geeton ko sunke sab ye bole.

Rock on, hai ye waqt ka ishara,
Rock on, har lamha pukara,
Rock on, yunhi dekhta hai kya tu,
Rock on, Zindagi milegi na dubara.

jaise jeene ko dil chahe jee waise tu,
meri to hai bas ye raay hai ki apne jitne bhi armaan hai pure kar le tu.

Rock on, hai ye waqt ka ishara,
Rock on, har lamha pukara,
Rock on, yunhi dekhta hai kya tu,
Rock on, Zindagi milegi na dubara. (2)

awesome lyrics man.. I love this song.. Guys u have to listen to it..

Rock On

Have u checked out the songs of this latest flick *ing Farhan Akhtar "Rock On"..
Gr8 music man.. I never expected this kind of music from the mainstream music directors.. The music does justice to "ROCK".. Lyrics is just like what it should have been.. Songs like 'Rock on', 'Zahreele saap', 'laundry bill', and a couple of others which I cant recall makes u feel like when u hear to Kurt Cobain..
Initially i mainly concentrated on the music.. I was satisfied and then the lyrics.. More satisfaction.. Farhan Akhtar has sung real well.. It all makes sense that the lead singer on the screen should only sing the songs too.. Quite obvious I guess..
Cant wait to see the movie.. Hope it "ROCKS"..

When do u know its love??

Before u read further lemme tell u that I have no idea what is love.. Now read on..
Last Sunday I saw this cool movie "Jaane tu ya jaane na".. Story of 2 friends who r with each other for like 5 yrs but dont know that they love each other.. And at the end they realise that they r perfect for each other..
Things that I liked:
- Title of the movie: very much says the theme of the story..
- Songs: Good lyrics and music is just awesome.. singers have done a gr8 job.. refreshing songs..
- story: gr8 story.. youth can recognise themselves with it.. i loved it..
- characters: very nicely written roles.. Hero is just any other guy from college.. Heroine is like the-girl-next-door.. Im in love with Genelia..
- Whole movie: Now what basically i want to say is that I loved the movie..

So the big question is "When do u know its love??"
If u know the answers then leave 'em as comments to this post..

Let there be rock

I dont think many peole visit my blog.. Rather checking out the number of comments I have got, which by the way is ZERO, I guess only Im the person visits my blog.. Anyways then Thanks to me..
Well i was thinking what is there in rock music that so many of us r crazy bout it.. Well i also hip-hop.. But rock is different.. U feel free when u listen to rock, specially when u r listening to Pink Floyd or Doors or Neil Young.. New bands like Linkin Park, Green day and few others are good but they have changed the meaning of rock.. I mean u dont get to listen to music like that of Jim Morisson anymore.. Jim was more of a poet than rock star..
Anyways please (PLEASE) drop in some comments if u are crazy bout rock music..

Work life.. Welcome to the real world.. It Sucks..

6:15 AM - I wake up..
6:30 AM - I get out of my bed and start getting ready for office..
7:30/7:45 AM - I leave my room to catch the 7:50 bus to my office..
8:15/8:25 AM - I reach office.. Head for food court for breakfast..
8:45/9:00 AM - I complete my breakfast and reach my cubicle..
9:05 AM-12:30 PM - Check mails.. Mostly spams.. I hate when people send spams.. I mean dont they get it that this is a spam.. I only like those "Gud mrng" mails send by someone who really means 'em.. This takes around half an hour.. Then I get back to my work.. Firstly finish some pending work and then start new ones.. Mostly the work is like some functional guy had some problem with the functionality and has asked the developer to fix it.. He is not ready to listen to the developer's reason for doing so and asks him to so some stupid changes.. In the meantime I chat with some of my friends (special ones)..
12:30-2:00 PM - I head for the food court again for lunch.. You get the same kind of food everyday.. Taste wise its not good.. But I gotta manage.. Have some talk with colleagues.. Topic of discussions are the usual ones.. Like Stock market, or onsite opportunities, or some new hot chick, new crushes and more nonsense topics which I cant think of too.. Well I cant blame them coz my company itself says that its sole aim is to thicken its wallets (profits).. They dont work to provide something which is gonna make life easier for others or which is gonna benefit others.. Ultimately thats what they do but the motive is different.. Anyways screw them..
2:00-6:00 PM - More work then agian more work.. You work ur ass off for the whole day and ur PM gives u a WTF-is-this look.. Screw him too..
6:30 PM - I work some more till now and decide fuck-it.. U are done for the day..
7:30 PM - I reach my room.. Exhausted.. Take some rest.. Cook something.. Try to call the one who has stolen my heart.. But she dint pick up (maybe she is busy with something).. Then call up my best friend.. Talk with her for like 2 hrs..
12:00 midnight - Go to sleep..

Next day:
6:15 AM - I wake up..
6:30 AM - I get out of my bed and start getting ready for office..

and so on..

Bottom line - "Total frustration at work" which is relieved when I talk to my friends..

Job life SUCKS BIG FUCKING TIME..

Love

I am sure that this four letter word is the one about which no human being on this planet has even the remotest idea about. Well I asked myself "Do I know what is LOVE?" and some voice inside me told "YES you know, coz you are in LOVE".
I didn't believe myself (most of the times I dont). The story continued. I did a lot of thinking when I was sitting idle in my home. But that was just thinking at the end of which I concluded that Ill not think about it again. So I didn't.
My professional career kicked off to a great start. I joined the most respected company of India (Infy). First day of my work life was great. Felt great. I thought what else can I ask for?? Days passed by and as always happens with me happiness didn't last long.
I had some expectations from my company (which they themselves had bragged about) but was a huge disappointment. I had a notion that real talent will be appreciated here but as is the case with most of the Indian IT service companies, they dint.
But then I told myself that this is what it is so I have got two options either to leave it or come to terms with it. I chose the later one. I wasn't happy but was satisfied to an extent.
2007 was about to end. I decided to do the most toughest and most important work in my life. Oh I am sorry, I forgot to mention about this girl. I will not describe her much (no database in this world has that much space to accommodate her description, technical issues). Well I guess Ill cut down to the chase, She is my life.
But people have boundaries and restrictions. Family restrictions, restrictions due to caste, due to past and many more reasons.(This reminds me of that Airtel ad, "Barriers break when people talk", cool ad) There are a lot of questions which I want to ask this world but where is this world?? People are busy making their livelihood rather than living their life. All of us should once get out of our usual thinking and just try to live this beautiful life.
I know what it feels like to have someone who loves you so much that not even god does who created LOVE. There is someone for whom I felt the same way. You cannot describe this feeling. Its just there. Humans are still at a very early stage to understand this. But our heart has that ability. And this is the time when restrictions made by humans come in their way. I cannot describe in words how much bad and wrong things has happened due to these restrictions and man made rules. I just hope that our mind also become like our heart and that we can understand the language of our heart.
I know people who read this (a hearty thanks to all of you) will say they have read this before and its just the same old tale. But think for five minutes about it alone and you will come to know what I am trying to say.
You will say what was in it about love. There is nothing about love in this world, this world is itself LOVE. We only need to feel it.
Today its all together a different story for me. I am a changed person. I can understand my feelings and emotions. And I can just hope that others also do.

What if there are no coincidences in life??

OK, before reading further let me tell you that this post may not make any sense. Believe me.
Anyways, since my childhood, wait........ no, since I was a teen I had this feeling that what if when I am going to school was not something which I choose to do but is something which I am supposed to do in my life. What I mean is, what if whatever we do is not what we choose to do but is what we are supposed to do whether we like it or not? What if we are doing what we are doing because there is some force which is making us do that? What if there are no coincidences in life? What if I am not asking these questions because its my choice but because there is someone who wants me to ask this question?

I am sure that many people are out there who have similar questions about life but are either too afraid to ask them or simply don't care about them. But they do ask themselves the same questions but find no answer. Few days ago I was walking down the street and just when I was about to cross the street there was this puppy who got hit by a car. It was injured and was rushed to the hospital by the driver of the car who hit it. The next day I read in the newspapers about a freak accident in which a car was smashed by a train in which the driver and his pet dog were killed. The papers said that the driver was in a hurry and tried to break the signal. Freaking story, right? Too good that I made it up. :)

But consider this, what if I was meant to make this story up and post it hear and someone reads it here and from this day on drives carefully? What if I saved a few lives? Thank you.

What a load of crap that was. Man-O-Man, I am on fire.

Frankly Speaking

Hi!! Well, I thought a lot, or at least I tried, about what should my first post be. In vain. As usual. After the most tiring thinking of my lifetime, which was, by the way, of about five minutes, I came to the conclusion that I should tell you guys why I decided to blog. So here it goes. Well frankly, even I don't know. Maybe because my friends had one or maybe I had nothing better to do at that time but the truth is I HAVE NO IDEA. Confused? Me too.

Now I must warn the reader, frankly I don't care, to read this at their own risk. The side effects of reading this blog maybe amnesia, nauseous feeling, and other similar dangerous diseases. Honestly, you are not going to remember reading this the moment you complete reading it. But if u you do read it, a big THANKS to you. You are responsible for your own mistakes.

The reader must have gathered by now that I am not a kind of person who knows why he created this blog. You cannot be more correct.

All the best and DON'T PANIC. (and please be patient for meaningful posts)